The Triggers of Sexual Desire Pt 2: What’s Erotic for Women?

What turns men on won’t work for women.

If there’s such a thing as porn for women, it's the romance novel. And the amazing recognition of this kind of genre indicates the vast differences between female and men arousal.

As mentioned earlier, the volume that represents the basis for this extended series of posts on human sexual desire is Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam’s A Billion Wicked Thoughts (2011). These editors illustrate the dynamics of females’s i9000 escapist hype thoroughly, tailor-made to so many of their tastes. And they get pains to underscore how prevalent-and profitable also!-it’s been as a form giving voice to female eroticism.

For example, they report that in 2008 the genre generated some $1.37 billion in sales, constituting "the single largest share of the fiction market." Additionally, found in that season at minimum 74.8 million people read a romance novel, over 90 percent of whom were women (p. 87).

These numbers are comphappen to bed with the approximately 100 million men in the U.S. Thus delighted throughout truth that such erotica yields even more earnings than does online porn material for adult men truly. and Canada who accessed porn online in 2008. And the authors note that although women aren’t willing to pay for such typically male-oriented visual porn, they’re also pretty cheerful to spend for the freedom of studying relationship hype.

Even more curious is the fact that while sex will be ever-present in romance, it doesn’t really appear to be crucial to the woman’s enjoyment. 88)-which is glorified all the more by a sexual awakening. What will be crucial? Ogas and Gaddam cite Sarah Wendell and Candy Tan’s book on the subject (Beyond Heaving Bosoms, 2009), which reflects that the central fantasy in such fiction is the "awakening to love" (p.

But even then, sex scenes depicted in romance novels are comparatively tame as compared to erotic stories written with males in mind. ") Which might well explain why generally people are inclined to talk about "erotica" for women and "pornography" for men. And there’t way considerably more focus on the feelings and partnership of the two principals than in male-fashioned tale fantasy. (And in this respect, see my earlier post "What Distinguishes Erotica from Pornography?

The hero in romance novels may be, just as Gaddam and Ogas illustrate him, "virile, dangerous, and lusty" (p. In fact, the hero in romances becomes human-and vulnerable-as the story develops and increasingly, unexpectedly, he falls head-over-heels in love with the much more innocent (and less experienced) heroine. 87), but he’s not reduced to a sex object either-as, so commonly, are women in "adult" fiction for men.

These heroes are virtually always alpha males, to whom a considerable absolute majority of ladies seem magnetically attracted almost. It’s not simply the hero’s physical prowess that is so compelling to female readers: it’s also hwill be "status, confidence, and competence" (p. And romance novels exploit this preference in various ways. 95). Each of these traits contributes to his overall dominance-and such male authority, or ascendance, is what most women appear hard-wired to be susceptible to, as well as willing to submit to.

Ogas and Gaddam, observing that studies have repeatedly demonstrated the erotic appeal of alpha dominance to women-from the sensory cues of the male’s voice, to his scent, to his running and movements, to his sharply defined facial features-provide an illustration from Angelle Trieste’s Devil Falls (2008). Note how well this excerpt illustrates what research has by now many times validated:

"Victoria looked up and to her relief saw a man trotting toward her. An umbrella dangled from his hand, and casual but expensive clothes wrapped his long, lean frame. He was golden gloriously, with a truly face that rivaled Lucifer’s in the second of his fall from grace.

"Damien Kirk. A cellist over celebrated the entire world.

"The magazine photos didn’t do him justice. They had failed to capture the magnetic vividness of his blue eyes and the electrifying vitality of his presence. It could be felt by her through the gates, over the ferocity of the dogs even, and no question has been possessed by her he possessed took over the great display halls, driving the crowds wild. Her heartbeat picked up the pace, and it wasn’t all from relief."

No coincidence, then, that the 10 most popular vocations of the hero-as Ogas and Gaddam’s determined through reviewing the titles of more than 15,000 Harlequin romance novels (!)-are doctor, cowboy, boss, prince, rancher, knight, surgeon, king, realtor.bizaek.com bodyguard, and sheriff. So though even, rationally, contemporary women are less and less in need of a forceful male savior, they even now discover them hugely appealing as passionate spouses. Moreover, swaggering alphas just organic aren’capital t, born leaders and hyper-confident about their abilities, they’re fiercely protective also.

Inevitably, men have become increasingly aware of this fundamental sexual cue for women, which is what accounts for the Pickup Artist culture made famous (notorious?) by Neil Strauss in his book The Game (2005). The seduction techniques delineated there are contrived (as Ogas and Gaddam put it) "to activate women’s psychological cues in the same way that Botox, collagen, and implants are created to trigger men’s visual ones artificially." And the main requirements for successful attraction is, well, to "always be an alpha" (p. 96).

Focusing more on the distinct differences between erotic cues for females vs. Which isn’t particularly surprising, since the competence and confidence they so highly value in guys is largely a factor of maturation and feel. On the contrary, women show a predilection for older men-sometimes much older than themselves. Minors, 16-year-olds specifically, represent the single actually, most popular age category for male porn searches. males, I might start out by putting an emphasis on that men betray a good strong choice for extremely youthful women of all ages.

Erotic female fantasies also differ from most males’ as regards the powerful rendition of the hero and heroine’s thoughts and feelings. Whereas the woman in male porn is pretty much devoid of real human dimensions-being obsessed with "an overwhelming urge to have [indiscriminate] sex with plumbers, pizza boys, and her BFF" (p. 104), the characters of love fiction will be available as discerning, clever, and intelligent (if somewhat distant, brutal and untamed).

Uncomplicated, sexy scatterbrains may be sufficient for most males’ arousal, but women demand much more from their heroes. And romance novels pay scant attention to details of their genitalia-again, as contrasted with sex fiction written for males, which depicts a woman’s curvaceous body in the most lavish, graphic terms possible (and here I’ll omit any examples). Sure, they prefer them handsome, tall, and strong. But they’re not interested in their being love-making equipment either simply.

Ogas and Gaddam’s summary of the above differences seems almost pitch-perfect: "This strange clash of busty, giggling airheads and tall, brooding dukes produces mutual dismay. Where men see sexy, women see misogyny often. Where women see captivating, men often observe arrogant jerks with split personalities" (p. 105).

And many of the key ingredients of porn and romance seem forever incompatible. The impersonal, anonymous, orgasm-driven making love that typifies natural male porn will be taken away from charming tale fantasy considerably, which centers on a melodramatic storyline and emotionally-imbued character development that culminates in a deeply loving-and committed-relationship between hero and heroine.

Doubtless, on the road to marital bliss, the romantic movie formula shall include a torrid love-making scene or two, but still the tale doesn’t end with images of simultaneous orgasms but sounds of wedding bells-or at least "a long-term monogamous relationship." This may be a woman’s ultimate fantasy, but it scarcely appears to reflect a good masculine’beds, whose fewer judicious ideals are considerably more carnal than conjugal undoubtedly. How exposing that Ogas and Gaddam immensely, in exploring the most frequent searches on Dogpile, discovered that the two most common queries ending in "-ing" were, ahem, "wedding" and "f**king" (p. 106).

Even in explicit porn sites seeking to attract heterosexual women-and apparently only two have seen a profit doing so-the woman’s more romantic bias is demonstrated. Sssh.com is one of these two sites. And besides its sexual experiences and video clips, it consists of content on wellness and diet program likewise, a section offering sexual advice, and a very active forum for female chat.

Angie Rowntree, who founded this site in 1995, not to supply women with their own version of Playboy but (as she puts it) "to create Cosmo with balls," is quoted by Ogjust as and Gaddam on her findings about the site’s pornographic videos: "We’ve listened to what women wanted to see," claims Rountree, "and gotten very good at it very."

And good at what exactly? 161). Needless to say, such considerations are hardly relevant for anyone motivated to create alluring porn videos for males. "Women want to see foreplay, a lot of kissing, a great deal of chatting before the steps becomes intending ... The guys have to be clean, well-dressed, and well-kept. They hate men that are sloppily dressed" (p.

Visual cues do matter for women, but definitely not definitely even more than different physical types. As Ogas and Gaddam observe: "The gluteus maximus is a ‘universal cue’: it’s the one piece of anatomy that straight men, gay men [and women], and straight women all find exciting" [not to mention primates!] (p. 166). And to become significantly aroused, ladies want even more cues than adult men definitely. Visual cues-which do not focus on sex organs at all-include a man’s face, eyes (as in, the more intense the better), color of his hair, and his general body shape. And (actually similar to men here) women perform care about butts. As suggested already, a gentleman’h scent and speech is important-as is the sensuality of his touch.

Still, more than anything else, it’s the combination of many physical and psychological cues that succeeds in turning women on. And this is why romantic stories, applying the created expression to record both their desire and creativeness, have from the start been the most popular form of erotica for them.

There are additional triggers that activate female (and, differently somewhat, lesbian) sexual desire. But I’ll control yourself from discovering them below, since these stimuli will be more appropriately discussed in later segments of this series (e.g., "Paradox and Pragmatism in Women's Sexual Desire" and "Why Erotic Illusions Can Turn You On Much More Than the Real Thing"). Instead, I’ll conclude this post by quoting from Ogas and Gaddam’s succinct summary on how women’s erotic cues contrast with men’s:

"Women respond to a truly astonishing range of cues across many domains. The physical appearance of a man, his social status, personality, commitment, the authenticity of his emotions, his confidence, family, attitude toward children, kindness, height, and smell. . . . Unlike men, who become aroused after being exposed to a single cue, women have to have to experience simultaneous cues to cross an ever-varying threshold enough. Sometimes, simply a several difficult cues can have a lady there. Other times, it takes a very large number of moderate cues ... For women, no single cue is either necessary or sufficient" (p. 212).

NOTE 1: Here are the titles and links to each segment of this 12-part series:

What Brain Science Can Teach You About Sex
The Triggers of Sexual Desire (Part 1-for Males, & Part 2-for Females [which you just finished])
Paradox and Pragmatism in Women's Sexual Desire
Internet Rule #34-Or, What's Normal in Sex?
You Can’t Much Help What Turns You On
The Secret, Taboo Aspects of Male Sexual Desire
Why Do Women Fall for Serial Killers?
Straight or Gay, A Male Is a Male Is a Male
Submissive or Dominant?-The Paradox of Control in Sexual Relationships
6 Modern Inventions inside of Erotica and Adult
Internet Porn: Its Problems, Perils, and Pitfulls

NOTE 2: If you found this post informative (and hopefully, somewhat entertaining as well), I hope you’ll consider passing it on

NOTE 3: If you’d like to check out other posts I’ve done for Psychology Today online-on a broad variety of psychological topics-click here.

© 2012 Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved.

Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. , will be the writer of Paradoxical Tactics in Psychotherapy and The Eyesight of Conrad and Melville. He keeps doctorates in British and Mindsets. Of January 2025 As, Seltzer has published some 606 posts, which have received over 54 million views.